“When Parents call, answer; don’t be slow”

See Di Zi Gui, page 6

Hey, long time no see! Sorry, been away for a bit - busy with stuff. I’m back now, hopefully for a long while.

I’ve been asked about incorporating authentic Chinese culture into daily life here in North America. OK, today I’ll start with a basic aspect of authentic Chinese culture.

Well, got a story to tell. Some time ago in public I saw this young Chinese guy, about 15-16 years old, and he was being called by his father from across the room. Well, the boy never responded. The father kept calling out but the boy just ignored all the calls, kept talking to his friend, and acted as if he never heard them. After a number of ignored calls, the father stopped and went about his business, not going to the boy and reprimanding him. The mother, who was right there with the father and witnessed the whole affair - in fact, she stared hard and long at the boy once, but she also never said a word and went on about her business.

Now just what was all that about? It was the most brazen display of disrespect for one’s parents, and it was the saddest display of parents not demanding civility from the offspring. It is basic manners, basic civility, basic politeness, to respond when one’s name is called. Especially when it’s one’s parents who are calling. Even when it’s just the dog barking one would respond and say, hey, what’s the matter? How much more so when it’s one’s parents?

Parents must teach manners to their kids, and those manners must first and foremost include being polite and civil to parents. Answering immediately when called is a basic sign of respect. As Confucius is quoted to have said, “Courtesy is nothing but respect.” To not teach courtesy, i.e. manners, is to not teach respect. To have no respect is to not know how to interact with people, and to not know how to interact with people is to guarantee failure and misery in life.

Of course, it could also be that the boy was ashamed of his parents. Sadly, a lot of Chinese kids seem to be ashamed of their parents if they have some accent in their English or if they aren’t born in this country. Well I say, first of all, no matter how ashamed you are of your father or mother, your father is still your father and your mother is still your mother: you still must show some basic respect! Second, to think that one needs to speak unaccented English to be deserving of respect is the height of folly and the mind of every boy, or girl for that matter, ought to be cleared of that arrogant notion.

Yes, Di Zi Gui (the classic “Students’ Rules,” page 6) recognizes that the first thing a child must learn is basic respect, and that basic respect starts with the most basic act of respect for parents: when parents call, answer immediately. Therefore, in its wisdom, Di Zi Gui sets forth the exhortation about answering one’s parents immediately as the very first sentence in prescribing proper conduct. Parents are well advised to teach their children this conduct, and to insist on it as a minimal standard of civility.

Traditionally, Chinese have for thousands of years prided their country as The Land of Courtesy and Integrity, 禮義之邦. Answering one’s parents immediately is a basic first requirement in that authentic Chinese culture of courtesy.

Feng Xin-ming

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